this one's for jess

ok. where should i start? so many stories... so little time. as you can see from melissa's blog, i've been asked out in a sex shop. what else? oh, the fun. i have a guy who likes to drunk dial me (friend from HS who seems to be interested- before i married tim he actually asked me to move down to miami with him after only knowing me for about 2 weeks). oh yeah, and i wrote his separation agreement for him- funny enough, we got married the same month to our respective spouses... and separated the same damn month. and i wrote one for his friend as well (that's two in a month). yeah, baby. let's call him L. i no longer talk with C., the one who faked chemo- and it seems he's in a downward spiral at work- and it's quite fun to watch (hey, i'm not taking any part in it, why can't i enjoy it?). how about D.? the one that i had been talking with/seeing right after the husband and i split up? the one that thought he should give his marriage a chance (which i fully understood?)... well, he's back. sheesh. my ex has been emailing my friends- mainly jen, and feigning concern for my well-being... "i'm worried about kristie, and frankly, she looks like shit..."
oh yeah, he said it.

funny story for jess- P.- a guy i know from when i was in HS- i lived with his mom and him when i was in college, so we've known eachother for over a decade... well, he's back in town because he's trying to make some cash before he moves back out to CA. he crashes at my place often because he works right up the street from my office (and my house is closer than his mom's place all the way out in bumfuck springfield). but, i digress. i chatted with D. last night and invited him over to hang out for the evening. i text P. to tell him that he should call before he comes over to make sure the 'coast is clear,' and change out of my bunny slippers. i figure that's good enough- even though P. comes over alot and crashes, it IS my house, and i thought it was good enough to give advance warning. well, 11:00pm rolls around, and i'm on the phone with melissa, paul walks in the door, and D. calls me on the other line to say that he's out in the alleyway. hmm. that's not even the most uncomfortable part, i'm shovelling P. out the door and D. is walking up the alleyway to come in- i introduce them from a distance "D., this is P., P., this is D.,"- P. keeps on walking and is quite pissed, and texts me later telling me that i suck and he's locked out of his mom's house.
what am i? a hotel? last time i checked, i was the one that paid the rent. nice & uncomfortable situation though, i must say! the only thing that would've made it worse would have been if tim had called (wait, that happened- only a few hours earlier). lmao

anywho, there you go. nice little 'pickle' that kristie got into (as melissa likes to call it).

i am WAY too fucking old...

...for this sophomoric bullshit. REALLY. i'm serious.

it's like i bypassed all this stupid crap by being married, and now i'm 27- been married twice- and i'm going through the stupidly asinine things that i probably should've suffered in college. oh wait, you're married and decided that you want to give your wife another chance? oh, ok. yeah- that was my bad. oh, you've got a girlfriend up in NY state? guess i should've figured that out from some of the pictures that you keep around. interesting.

but wait- i'm too old for the dating shite of guys in their earlier 20s, but i'm too young for guys in their 30s. you think i'm beautiful and intelligent but you're just too old to stay out all night partying? jesus h. christ. a) i don't stay out all night every night b) i appreciate dinner as much as the next person c) get a cane if you can't keep up.

jaded. i'm getting jaded. wait. i already was. i guess i'm just a little too trusting- i take people at face-value and don't expect them to be trying to hide something from me when i am quite adamant about laying it out on the line for the people that i meet. i don't do bullshit. i tell them that i don't do bullshit. yet, that's what i end up with.

it's quite humorous, actually, the last 24 hours (or the last 12 even) have been quite eye-opening for me. welcome to the real world, kristie. it's a great place to be. *snort*

*sigh*

a friend is off for chemo... he just left about 10 minutes ago to catch his flight. i'm worried about him. maybe by some stroke of luck he'll get up to the cancer center and they'll do the blood tests and they'll tell him that he doesn't need it. if not, i will be picking up a very sick person at the airport at 9pm sunday night after 2 rounds of chemo in one weekend. *sigh*

i have another friend that is in town for a bit- one that i knew way back in the day when he was in HS and i was in college... hell, i can remember calling in with my voice disguised as his mother's so that he could get out of school. well, he's 23 now, and he's grown up. he's grown up, and he's matured, and he's an amazing person. i envy the experiences that he's had so far in his short adult life, i envy the fact that inner peace seems to emenate from every pore of his body, or that by just looking at him you can tell he's an old soul. i'm glad he's back for awhile, i'm sad that he'll be moving away again in a bit. while he's here, i'm going to take advantage of it- i'm having him teach me a crash course in meditation this weekend, and we're planning our trip to burning man next year already. even at 23 i see things in him that i would like to be- and i hope that maybe i can glean a little inner peace while he's around. ;)

so much more to say... so little patience right now. i need some sleep.

wish in one hand and shit in the other...

and see which one fills up first.
happy thanksgiving, ya'll.

new me

with all of the change going on emotionally right now, i decided to make some physical changes as well. two weeks ago i pierced my nose. this past weekend i added a new tattoo to the array of artwork on my body. the swallow is the new one. this one actually has a very specific meaning for me, for the first time. traditionally, you are supposed to get two swallows, because they mate for life. it is for this exact reason that i chose to get one and put it close to my heart.







in addition, i've sent out an email to a suspension group in the dc/va/md metro area to see if i can participate- and finally be able to do the christ-suicide suspension that i've been wanting to do for quite awhile. i will have at least four hooks in my back and only two or four in my arms, but it will essentially be the same pose. i'm striving for the mind over body experience- having my mind turn something quite painful into something eye-opening and 'spiritual' in my own personal way.



truth be told, i've spent so much time in relationships trying to please others, that i've lost sight of myself. i'm out of touch, and i'm seeking that experience that will bring me closer to myself. to do this, i'm getting myself out there. i'm experiencing new things, and i'm doing what makes me happy. i'm letting the free spirit within me come out. i'm letting my creativity lead me, and i'm trying to finally allow my emotions to guide me instead of my firm rational thinking and decision-making.

i have a love for dance that i haven't been able to express for quite a long time. i can get lost in music and moving to music makes my soul smile. sometimes, it's the only time where i feel truly happy. i've recently found a hole-in-the-wall salsa club that i will be going to quite often from here on out because of the euphoria that i feel being able to move to the music. it's dancing in such a sexy and sultry way, but far from the meat-market feel of the grinding that happens in hip-hop clubs. it's being asked to dance instead of just run up on and humped like there's a dog on your leg. and it's not even just 'moving' to the music. it's swaying, dipping, spinning, stepping, grasping, shaking... and leaving the club at closing drenched in sweat because you didn't sit down once the entire time that you were there, without a single speck of alcohol in your system because you wanted to focus on the dancing. i'm truly in love.



i've also planned a trip for next year to burningman (see www.burningman.com). yes. kristie will be attending burningman 2007. and honestly, i believe it will be one of the best experiences i've had so far in my life. the link below has a video that explains the experience- but you can't capture the entire feeling in a short film. i can't wait to go and be a part of it.
http://www.lustmonkey.com/



so, here i am. in search of me. the me without a clouded mind, without the walls that i've built to protect myself from getting hurt (in more ways than one). the me that knows what it takes to make me happy, and knows how to get it. the me that can take what life dishes out, but still keeps an open mind to opportunities that leave me vulnerable yet again- because closing yourself off only keeps you from experiencing what life truly has to offer. here i am.

i'm vulnerable.

yeah, i wouldn't normally be a person that would say this out loud, let alone write down. funny how the cards fall in certain ways, right? well, this weekend i was let down. more by myself than anything- i may have had high hopes, i may have just been dazzled by the bullshit that was being shovelled after me. either way, i wasn't the happiest person. all dressed up, and nowhere to go. i hate it when that happens. i gave myself a day to mope about it, and now i'm done.
what i CAN appreciate about this situation is that it has shown me that i'm not some android walking amongst feeling human beings- that i can and DO feel- and that sometimes things hurt. live and learn- and keep on movin'.
i think i'm going to pierce my nose (again) this week if it works out. i think i'd like having it again. (even if it does keep me from effectively picking my nose).
yeah.

fantastic.

i'm sick today, and probably leaving early, but i wanted to share with you a particulary fascinating web article. i think it is absolutely fantastic- and i'll have to give it a whirl on my own once i've gotten all their ideas out of my head. it really is awesome though.


http://wired.com/wired/archive/14.11/sixwords.html

Life is full of moving days. We move not only from house to house, but from one phase to another, from one relationship to another, from career to career, from awareness to awareness, and sometimes making the transition, crossing these bittersweet thresholds in an anguished and sticky passage. But in those firelit moments there was an eloquent message about leaving the old and embracing the new. No matter what you are leaving, scoop from the ashes every brightness – the cherished lessons and experiences, the love that can burn a lifetime. Take these things with you, and toss the rest bravely to the wind.